The Spiritual Effects of Depression

I've always struggled with anxiety and then after the birth of my first child I plummeted into the deep dark hole of Postpartum Depression.  Finally around 6 months a friend of mine encouraged me to talk to a doctor and I was able to get on some medication and start the slow climb back toward the light. It took me to between 9 months to 1 year postpartum before I finally felt normal again.

I just read an article titled Depression by Rebecca J. Clayton that hit home for me regarding everything I went through. She expressed her experience:

"I prayed constantly for heaven’s help to relieve the heaviness in my heart. When the sorrow remained, it seemed as if the Lord had abandoned me and for some reason I didn’t qualify for His love. This further fed my belief that I was unworthy of my blessings. Reading the scriptures also fueled my anxieties because each time I came across a verse that described what I felt, the passage had something to do with sin. I could not figure out what great transgression I had committed to deserve such torment, but the scriptural association of despair with iniquity seemed proof of my fallen state."

I remember searching for answers, guidance, and help spiritually but I couldn't think straight and I couldn't tell inspiration from my irrational thoughts.  It was awful. My mind would race so fast that by the time someone had finished asking me a question I couldn't remember what they had just said to be able to formulate an answer.  My mind was already 20 miles down the road from where their question had started my mind. It would take me all day to pack a diaper bag for the evening because I couldn't think through everything I would need.   I felt like a 2 dimensional person trying to live in a 3 dimensional world.  It took me years before I could talk about my postpartum experience.

Rebecca Clayton points out:

"It is essential to understand that such a spiritual crisis is not a result of spiritual weakness or lack of faith. Rather, depressive feelings and the resulting depressed view of one’s spirituality are usually caused by a chemical imbalance. Because our physical bodies and our spirits are necessarily connected (see Doctrine & Covenants 88:15), it can be common to feel the effects of a physical disorder in a spiritual way, especially in the case of depression, which alters our very perception of ourselves. Therefore, it is important to seek out the actual source of such feelings, especially when experiencing the often-distorting effects of depression." 

I've realized for me that I need to keep a balance in my life of adequate sleep, physical exercise, good nutrition, and spiritual nourishment.  I really enjoyed Ms. Clayton's discussion on Depression and feel like more needs to be said.  Now I can talk about postpartum depression and I hope that by doing so it can help some other new mom somewhere that is struggling to find peace.

 To read the rest of the article go to Depression by Rebecca J. Clayton.