How to Survive in Enemy Territory...and more

Yep that's where we live, in enemy territory.  We are constantly surround by attacks and temptations from the adversary.   And I have felt over the past year or more that my foundation that I have been standing on has been shrinking smaller and smaller.  I feel the wind pushing me to and fro, with not even enough room to plant my feet squarely to brace against the wind.  

I skipped Spanish Relief Society this last Sunday and tried to go to English Sacrament, but baby girl would have me staying in any class.  So I ended up in the mother's lounge, but that was okay because baby girl could walk around and jabber and I turned up the speaker and was still able to listen.   A mother, whose children are grown, but still has no less worries about them, got up to speak.  I love listening to her, she's real.  She doesn't sugar coat it, she just says it as it is and then finds a way to laugh about it too.  Her sense of humor is such a relief.  She spoke about prayer.  After exhausting all her normal resources for calming her down during another cancer scare, she then turned to the Lord. Who told her to go outside. She began gardening, but didn't feel better, she then looked up to the Lord and saw two birds flying. One with a chunk out of his wing.  He had had a trauma of some sort, but he was still flying with the healthy bird and just as fast and as well.  Even though we can feel damaged, we can continue on our course, pressing forward, still able to fly and just as well as the bird that was whole. 

Other speaker said his example of getting caught in fog while out in his little boat and praying his way back into the small sandy beach surrounded by rocky shore.  He said that was the only time in his life that his prayers had been answered exactly how he had wanted.  Prayers are just answered in the Lord's way.  

I needed to hear about prayer.  I haven't stopped praying, but I have stopped listening.   I recognize that now, which is good, but I don't know how to get answers to prayers, especially that level I dream of where you are constantly guided by the Holy Ghost.  So how did I get answers before.  Well, I did what I was supposed to do.  I made sure that I was in the right place at the right time.  If there was an extra church meeting that I was invited to attend I knew that if I didn't go I would be missing an opportunity for the Lord to answer my prayers through someone else.  I also went to the temple at least once a month, usually every week.  With all that going on, I felt like reading my scriptures and occasionally would receive answers there.   The obstacles seemed smaller then.  

Now, I feel like I am clambering at any tiny piece of doctrine I can get to feed my soul with.  Longtime ago I listened to a churchy song, which I heard on the radio when I was in Utah last visiting family.  The song, "Oh my Soul Hungered."   Wow, I hadn't realized that's right where I was. Spiritually starving. I try to put myself in the right place ie, church, but I don't understand the language.  And I guess that's how this post all started.  To save the quote written below.  Which is the answer to my questions and my prayer. 

"President Packer closed by saying, “Do not squander these years of seminary instruction  (insert motherhood or life or whatever it is right here).  … If you want to be happy, you must pay the price through obedience."

There it is, that's all it is.  I'm at the crux of it all. What do I want?  I know what I want.  But am I willing to do the work to get there.  I have two spanish books sitting next to my computer.  If I want this to work I've got to do the work and I have to commit to it.  For me that means, putting myself to bed at a decent hour and then getting up at 6 or 6:30 to get "my stuff" done before I start doing everyone else's stuff.  I need to do 15-20 minutes in the scriptures and then 20 minutes of Spanish.   There it is.  

So now that I've got it all mapped out on paper, comes the implementing part.  Oh I'm going to need some serious help accomplishing this one.  I am, by nature, not a morning person.  When 10pm hits I'm wide awake.  I've been resisting this change all my life and as someone once told me, it's time to "embrace" the change.  Embrace it, there it is, I need to change the way I see it.  I need to open my heart to it and welcome it, then it will be possible.   Here goes.  I'll keep you posted.